Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Still here.....

I put off posting for a while in hopes that I would have some good news to tell you all about. Sorry, but the news isn't what I wanted. I applied for a Department Supervisor position at HD and thought I had a pretty good chance of getting it. Oooopps! Wrong again!!!! But what else is new? Anyway, I was told it was a very close competition but they went with a fellow associate of mine that had been working here longer than me. When I asked for feed back about the interview and what I could do to improve my chances for next time I was told that I needed to learn to put things more delicately. That I needed to learn to deliver things in a more positive way. Code for "you're too harsh". That's the one thing that was certain to bring me to tears. Yup I am sometimes loud, brash, over the top, and at times aggressive. Apparently not a good quality. It is the one part of my personality that I have the most insecurity about. Usually I am happy with who I am and what I do, except when someone points out that I am not all sunshine and light, or that I am not what they usually expect from big breasted blondes. I don't have that cheerleader smile and joy oozing from my pores. I'm not what the RS ladies would call a sweet spirit. I try! Really, I do!!! I want to be seen as a kind, good person and most of the time see myself as that but maybe I live in the land of denial and don't see the real me. I guess I'm more of a square peg who can't fit the round hole. Hmmmm....... lots to think about and re-assess. Is a personality makeover even possible?



Deanna...for what it's worth - that's one thing I LOVE about you :) I can't stand when people walk on eggshells and beat around the bush. But I'm the same way you maybe that's why we get along so well ♥


You know what, Deanna...If you had more of gentile traits that you CLAIM you don't, they could have very easily and very LIKELY said that you were too timid or meek for the position!

You are YOU. Your long list of fans is full of people who actually know a little something about what makes a person worthwhile, competent, LOVABLE.

It won't make you feel better but it might help me to admit that I have had a similar experience recently. Some people have complained that my "sweet spirit" is a little too jovial for conducting Relief Society. B-U-G-G-Y. Even more buggy is that I have totally let it get to me. I've been editing myself and feeling insecurity that hasn't reared it's head since my 20's and you know how long ago that was!! AAARRRGH.

Anyway, I think that you are great. Quiet. Loud. Delicate. Harsh. Happy. Sad. Whatever.