Friday, May 28, 2010

Word Puzzle!

If you can put together these terms into a theme that makes sense then you will know what I spent my afternoon doing.
Death Threats

For those who wondered.....

Have I lost my sanity? Well, first off let me declare that I am not sure I ever had it. Secondly, I must confess that I have a severe problem with anxiety (like as in not leave the house because someone might see me) and depression and the real clincher here is that I haven't been on my meds lately. Does that help explain the recent craziness? The meds are back and I'm feeling a little more like a normal person. At least I am not house bound again, right? Please, if you sense that I am getting to that point remind me to check my meds! Thanks for your patience.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Grandpa Spencer's Final Farewell

Another desperate call to the hospital. Another bedside vigil. Another death in the family. We'll miss you Grandpa and hope you have found some peace at last.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Just pass me the cheese to go with my whine.....

If you're tired of my ranting, whining, complaining, inability to focus on the positive then stop reading now!! Fair warning!

I'm not writing this for you. I'm doing this because I might otherwise explode or do something detrimental. I am worn out! Ok that's not the worst of it. Ya know why I'm sitting here on a Friday night typing in my blog? 'Cause I have no friends. No, I'm serious......I really don't have any close friends, at least not ones that I feel close enough to bare my soul. Nope, easier to just lay it wide open here on the internet and hope for a kindness. I feel so very alone. Isolated from everyone and everything. I don't think anybody understands the level of despair I feel right now. I can't seem to make anything go right in my life. I can't! I can't do it anymore!!! I QUIT!!!! Ya, I quit life! I think it would be so much easier.
I feel taken advantage of by family. I feel that my generosity is abused by too many. Yet I can't seem to say no to anyone. I'm having a hard time finding anything positive just to hang on to. Does it matter?
Everything is driving me crazy. Little things, like the sound of people eating sends me right round the bend. I am so on edge. It's ridiculous and I know it but I can't seem to fix it.
I don't think I will ever own a home again. Yup. It's that bad. Our finances are a freaking disaster!!! I've gotten to the point where I've wondered if I can convert an old granary into something livable. Stupid, I got that. But at least I was looking for something positive. No, I'm not trying to beg for you to help me. Just venting. I've given and given and given. I just want something good to happen for me. Seriously, I can't understand it. I've tried all my life to make decent choices and yet it seems that all I get in return for helping others and trying to live a good life is crap. I have no home, a husband who can't seem to get his butt up here, no way to go back to him because he is in housing limbo and the schools are a mess for my son, my father actually thinks I am mooching off of him because he pays the utilities for the house, my brothers and sisters don't do anything to help relieve this burden and yet all I get is criticism. I have prayed and prayed and begged and pleaded and I that bad of a person? Have the choices I made in my life made me ineligible for the normal blessings that most people have in North America? Where have I gone wrong? How do I fix it? And where is my safety net of friends and family? Why am I there for others and no one for me? Does anyone even care? Would their caring matter anyway? Aaaaaa screw it!!! I give!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

New Photos

Here's a sneak peak........

don't forget to check out the work blog! I've got some new work up.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Accentuate the Positive!

The results are in and we have good news.....BENIGN!! Just a nasty old cyst that had bled into itself. Whooohooo!!!

So.....I'm still off work and am bored stiff when not drugged to the moon. I took a drive a couple of days ago when the sun finally showed up and ran into, almost literally, a herd of elk. I stopped by the roadside and caught a quick pic of just a few of them. The herd was really large but they were on the move so not all of them posed for the pic.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

The sky is falling.......

image from the Orange County Register.
My clumsy genes have been making an appearance lately. On Thursday I went to get down a display table for my Mother's Day floral and caused a work place accident. The tables were stacked 3 high and are about 3.5 to 4ft tall themselves. I reached up for the highest one, on my tiptoes and gently pulled it out. Oooooppppsss......I lost control and it landed on my head!!!! Talk about pain!! These aren't cheap plastic tables but wooden with metal caps on the flat top. The metal cap is what struck me. I honestly thought I was going to be ok. It hurt like crazy, I was dizzy for a minute and head and neck felt like they belonged to a turtle but I hung on to whatever was next to me to keep standing. After a bit I trudged back to work, even hauling that table out to the front. As the day went on my neck, head and shoulders progressivley got worse. Stiff like whiplash and a headache to beat all headaches. I lasted a couple more hours and then decided a dr. was the best course of action. He looked me over, sent me for xrays and then sent me home til Monday to rest. Oh great! Like I have time to rest! There is so much work to do. Mothers Day is one of our most busy weekends in the GM department and being one person down is going to create chaos. I don't think my manager is happy with me. He wanted to know if I had any witnesses to my accident. Oh yeah, right. 'Cause we have sooooo many extra bodies hanging around the store. We are so short staffed right now. That was why I was moving that table by myself in the first place. Oh well. I can't do much about it now. Rest it is!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Bibbity, Bobbity, Biopsy

The long walk done the hallway

Waiting room #1

Biopsy Room

The deed has been done. They've aspirated, and core biopsied the heck out of my poor booby. The Dr. had a hard time getting the core needle in so it was not a great experience. More like fake liposuction with out any fat removing benefits. Lots of shove, shove, retract, but it seems they got what they were looking for. I have an appointment with a surgeon on the 12th and will know the results then. Till then, my nails will be bitten off to the quick.