Call me Dumb and stamp me Done!!

In preparation for my upcoming adventure in India I looked up the weather and realized that although it is their winter it might as well be my summer. Daytime highs from 27 - 30C. HOT! You all know I am as white as a frog's underbelly; that I glow under blacklight. Have skin so light I can't by foundation to match. Pathetic. I've been seriously worried that I will severely fry my skin and blister up so badly that I will have wasted a trip. So, I thought, why not try a tanning bed? Who me? The sun-shunner? Ya, I signed up.......4 min the first day, 6 the next, 8 on Thurs. I was a little pinkish but so far getting darker. I got brave. I asked for 9 min. on Friday. STUPID!!! I am now glowing red. At least it's not painful, very much, and it's not blistering. It's only a little burn on all the bits that have never seen the sun. Yup, I tanned nude.....why? I don't know! And now I am paying for it on my sad, pink, pudgy belly.